Freshman year of college: An open letter.

College is great.
Learning is awesome and yeah, college is pricey but your first year away from home is going to help you find out who you truly are. You will learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You learn how to do grown up things and you deal with grown up consequences.
To everyone stuck in a town that they hate, or in a place that they don't quite fit- it gets better. You're gonna find your place and you're going to make some awesome friends who are actually friends. They'll come over at  1 in the morning and make you stop crying into your econ text book and make you some tea and help you get to sleep. You're going to grow into your skin and yeah, try a couple hair colors. Wear weird eyeshadow. It's college and you're young. Eat three bagels and don't you dare regret it. Go to the gym sometimes, you can find cuties there sometimes. Go eat breakfast in your pjs at the caf. Nobody care, I promise. Take a religions class, broaden your horizons. Don't argue with that crazy fundamentalist guy in the back too much though- even though you really want to. Take a creative writing class and learn how to structure your thoughts into something beautiful. Learn everything you can. There will be days when you don't want to get out of bed. It happens. Maybe you didn't sleep well, or you feel ill or just plain lazy. It's okay to take some time to yourself. Take care of yourself, you're living on your own now. Take a multivitamin/ mulitmineral (you can get supplements that combine both of these!)  and try to eat something healthy at least once a day. Drink water and get enough sleep. The library is a magical place if you're trying to study. By changing your scenery, you feel like you have to work. Also, most university libraries have a strict quiet only area if you need some peace and can't get it at home. If you're going to drink, do it somewhere safe and make sure you hydrate. Hangovers are a bitch. Use the buddy system and never ever ever throw a party in your dorm. That's how you get caught. Watch your drink and never take a drink from a frat boy in a snapback that you just met. He might be a nice guy, he might not. Your safety is too important to take stupid chances like that. Don't get black out drunk. Promise me? Stay with your buddy and please make informed choices.
Invest in bleach spray for your dorm because you can clean pretty much anything with bleach, sweetie. Lysol is a must. USE HAND SANITIZER PLEASEEE! When people get sick on campus, it goes around. You're gonna get it. It's gonna suck. But since you religiously bleach, lysol, and germ x your surroundings and take those nifty multivitamins/ multiminerals, it's not going to hit you as hard as your now plague victim roomie. Stay away from them and go get some fresh air.
Make sure you have a well stocked first aid so you always have meds on hand.When you catch whatevers going around, take some meds and sleep it off. Go to class, don't be a weak ass bitch. You can do this. Brittany Spears bounced back from 2007, you can go to communications with a sniffle.
Find a passion. If you like to paint, make sure you make art. Make time for doing what you love, because you need an outlet here more than ever before. If you write, write in a journal or on scrap paper or in a shitty blog on the internet. Keep everything, even if you think it sucks. That's how you get better.
You're probably going to have to give a presentation at some point. Please, please, please don't wear sweatpants. Everyones going to notice. Make notecards or something, don't read off your powerpoint unless you want to look like an unprepared moron.  Practice at least once, especially if you're nervous. Site your images too, don't be a content stealer. People take plagiarism seriously in college- even if it's accidental/unintentional. Also, that's a super shitty thing to do, bro.
Don't be afraid to talk to people or ask people how to do things. You're a freshman, you aren't supposed to know your way around yet. Relax. You'll be great.
Be kind to yourself. Failing a quiz does not mean you have failed the course. Your prof has office hours- USE THEM. I promise it will help. They'll be happy to see you and they'll know you- you won't be another nameless face floating in lecture hall. They'll probably give you the benefit of bumping your grade if you're stuck in between 2 letters. Use a tutor. Your university probably has an academic center and/or tutoring center where people are waiting to help you with your problems and want to help you learn and succeed. Asking for help doesn't make you a failure. Refusing to ask for help will only hurt you. I know it's hard to admit sometimes when you need help. It gets easier and you'll get through it. Suck it up, college is supposed to be hard. You're earning a degree, not buying one.  Anyways, I think I've rambled enough.
 Good luck, sweeties!

to be continued

From a young age, agriculture has always been a definite element in my life. I spent summers on my grandparent’s farm; pounding nails into scrap wood in the shop while my uncles worked on machinery, riding in the back of a combine, scampering up the side of silos when I thought no one was looking and I was feeling particularly brave, and basically just getting in everyone’s way, mostly because I wanted to learn about everything. As I got older, I tagged along on fair week, and to tractor pulls and become involved in organizations such as the FFA and 4-H. Attending and participating in events such as banquets, conventions, supervised agricultural experiences, leadership contests, and regular meetings has even more permanently shaped my views of the world and instilled in me a desire to spread agriculture awareness through the medium of literature.

    One of my more defining personality traits has always been my love of knowledge. I love to learn, have a drive for it, even. This was quickly paired with a love of reading. I’m not particularly picky, either. If it is written down, I wanted to read it. Thus began my love affair with books. I would spend hours alone reading, and books were practically all I would ask for on holidays. Eternally, I have possessed a editor’s (or novelist’s) tendencies- content to lock myself away with pen and paper and tea. I promptly decided that working in book editing and publishing is the best way for me to follow my passion of literature. I want to help people turn their stories into novels, and I want to tell my own stories.

Reflections; Coaching Youth Soccer.

Reflections; Coaching Youth Soccer.

    I have worked extensively in my community’s local youth recreational soccer league. Coaching and working with the kids has been so rewarding, and every season I just enjoy it more. I love being able to take something I’m passionate about (coaching and Soccer) and combine them to give back to the program and the community. This program is so close to my heart because it is the very same that gave me my start and instilled my love and passion for the sport of soccer. I have so many amazing memories from my childhood, and the league is a great tool in passing on things like social skills and sportsmanship, as well as a great time for everyone involved.

Something that has been weighing on me through this final season is the fact that it’s conceivably my last. In August, I’ll be two and a half hours away and won’t be back for either spring or fall season. I love working with the kids, and even though I get new players every year, this time it’s different. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I’m making a difference- at least for those eight 2nd and 3rd graders. Every time I can make a shyer player feel more confident and encourage them, I hope I make a lasting impression. Everyone needs encouragement.  When you see eight little triumphant faces gleaming up at you after a won game or a scored goal, suddenly every early morning, the next day’s hoarse voice from cheering and instructing, the collection of bruises from accidents while leading practice, and all those grass stains are undeniably worth it. My saturdays are well spent, because I’ve spent them with a troupe of seven and eight year olds who have made me a better person. You see the world again through their eyes, and it’s refreshing. And I feel undeniably blessed in having the opportunity to experience having them in my life, despite the brief window of time.  

9 am

Nine AM is punishment enough.

I looked up today in second hour,

To see you,

You staring intently back at me.

And then came the accompanying tightness in my chest, like I can’t breath.

I don’t need this anymore, you know.

I’ve already said my goodbyes, and made my peace.

Nine AM is punishment enough,

Without a ration of equations I don’t understand,

And you, always, looking back at me.

The girl in front beams like a hyena,

The radiation of her ego burning into my self-esteem.

Can’t I just call it quits? Can’t I rip math off my shaking body,

Like a Band-Aid sticking to a bright red scrape or sore

I just want to write books or teach English, not find slopes or limits,

But math is force-feeding with a cold spoonful of food I can’t swallow.

I wish I had told my guidance counselor I didn’t care about credits,

When it called for all of this precise, calculated pain.

I should have told the girl sitting up front to shut her damn mouth,

But I took the paper she gave out, folded it to a crisp,

And walked back to my seat, head high in the air.

Yeah guys, it's been for everrrr

Hey, I'm back!
Yeah, It's been a while. Real life catches up, you know?
Anyway, tons has happened- both good and bad!
I took a pretty long hiatus from, well pretty much all of my social media and the internet. I have been dealing with varying levels of depression for a few years now, and it got kinda bad, resulting in the subsecint break. I'm much better now, just needed a little time to sort my self out.
I turned 18! Whoooo!  My friend made me a cake that said "So you're no longer jailbait" and it was super cute.
I graduated high school, which was bittersweet in itself (more indepth post upcoming!)
My cat had kittens! (I named one Spock, which my brother absolutely HATES.)
I recieved around $7000 in local scholarships.
And I *finally* made the decision.
Yes. THE decision. I picked my college.
It's Saginaw Valley, Bitches. It's a great day to be a cardinal!

Ugh...

It really makes me angry, makes me frustrated, and honestly, sad, to be surrounded by so many narrow minded people all the time. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand them, and I don’t understand their ignorance. I don’t understand how you can just blatantly dismiss an entire group of people based solely on their sexual orientation. Gay people aren’t hurting anyone. They aren’t intruding on your ...life. As a matter of fact, you really aren’t exposed to much - if any - of the “gay stuff” that you so clearly claim to hate. The majority of the time that you even have to think about gay people being different than you is only when you choose to think about that stuff. They are just people. It’s like hating someone because they have a different favorite movie than you, or different colored eyes.
Homophobia is ignorance, and you don’t have to be gay to be supportive.
Okay, have a lovely day. ♥

formerly

At the moment I am in the bright and christmassy lobby of Hampton Inn High Point, NC.
For a funeral.
My cousin was only twenty eight, and she had a baby, and a husband.
I just can't stop thinking about her poor husband.
He has to carry on, everyday. Look at the side of the bed she used to sleep on, take care of their son, look at what was formerly  her side of the closet. I think that would be the worst thing, the hardest tragety. You fall in love, you find your other half- the person you don't even think to be self concoius around, the person you can't fall asleep without, the person who you can have sleepy conversations with at three am, who you can count on to cuddle with you after a bad day. And then they're just gone?
That is my biggest fear.
I will the first to admit that once I'm committed, I'M COMMITTED. You know how in a relationship, one person is holding on tighter than the other? That' s me. I'm a chourus of "I love you" 's, and "I need you" 's, and the ever present "Please, Don't leave." 's.
Anyway, Angela's gone.
She was like an older sister to me, excepcially when I was younger. And now.. gone.
You think you understand death, you think of a "better place", and maybe, {god, I hope} it's all true. But I am never going to see her again in this life.
And that is killing me.
I cried.  That terrible, gut-wrenchy, feel like you need to curl up and sob, crying.
and then I poured myself a drink, and put on some lipstick, and now I'm going to be strong.
God, give me strength.